The way you tell the story of your life matters!
What stories are you telling yourself about yourself? About your relationships? About your life in general? These stories matter more than you could ever know.
These stories (internal dialogue) show you what you truly believe about yourself and the world around you. It's usually unconscious yet it's what determines how you behave, think and speak. Oftentimes, these stories are quite negative and create limitations in your life. They sound a bit like this:
"This is just the way life is and, there's nothing I can do about it so I may as well accept it."
"I've tried to change so many times and it just hasn't worked. I don't think this time will be different."
"I'm just not good enough. Other people are so much better than me."
"Everything sucks right now. Nothing ever works out for me."
"Men/women are all the same. They get what they need and then they leave you."
"I'm not ready. I'll do _____ (dream or passion project) when I have/do more _______ (skill, knowledge or resource)."
Sound familiar? Welcome to what is known as a shame script. Everyone's script and the impact it has on their life is different and unique to their personal experiences. Take a moment to stop and really think about those internal thoughts (aka scripts) that make you feel terrible. Now write those down on some paper...we'll get back to them in a moment.
Why does this matter? Well, I've come to know that these scripts create barriers and roadblocks against you living the life you desire. If you believe them to be true then they either wind you up into a chaotic coil of anxiety or they affix themselves onto you like a heavy immovable cloak of depression. It simply just sucks!!!
They create a dynamic of shame, where you have such a negative perception of yourself, others and life in general that you have difficulty doing what you really want to do the way you want to do it. Basically, life just passes you by as you try to adapt to or run away from this negative internal dialog.
Here's the truth... You are stronger, more worthy, more capable and better than the stories you tell your self about yourself. Seriously! You are! You came into this world with a determination to live life well, be curious, play and have fun... somewhere along the line this ambition for life was replaced by shame scripts and it all went downhill from there.
What if these stories aren't true? Better yet, what if you have the power to turn them into something more motivating, encouraging, loving and nourishing for your life? What if this is the open doorway to peace that you've been searching for?
I hear your pessimism that it can't be THAT easy... and well it's not. Flipping a shame script is like participating in a mud run! You sign up for what seems like the craziest shit ever but could be a lot of fun. And it turns out to be the craziest shit ever that leads you to total freedom and internal peace. It's amazing.
This was my journey and this is what I help my clients do every day. We work to flip this script from shame to truth! If you are determined to live differently then you must think differently. No life is well lived with shame running around in your head!!!
Now go back to those stories you wrote down earlier. What if these aren't true? Are you willing to get rid of them and replace them with something new? You have the power to begin telling yourself the truth. And that goes a little like this:
"I am worthy of the love, success, and happiness I desire."
"Everything is working in my favor...EVERYTHING."
"Wow... that breakup/loss was disappointing. But I am strong and have overcome a lot of stuff in life. I will overcome this too."
"I can chill out and let this experience unfold. I release my desire for control. I know all is well."
"I can be kind to myself while also accomplishing my goals."
"I love and accept myself for who I am right now! I am enough."
Choose one of these or create your own to use as your mantra for the week. Begin to challenge the stories that bring you down and consider replacing them with stories that bring you peace and relief. You're totally worth it!
With love, T